My Addict is my Young Adult Son
And I have come to understand detachment as finding my own ability to live a functional life that is not dependent on his moods or sucess with sobriety. Whether my day is good or rotten is not dependent on his mood or sucess.
I "detach" my happiness from his. And I will always be his mother, and I will always love him. But I had to find different ways to measure my worth, claim my God given right to happiness, and still support him in appropriate and non-enabling manners.
That is what detachment means to me, for what it is worth. Good question, and I credit you for asking the tough questions here. My limited experience here tells me this crowd can handle the hard questions and still leave you feeling supported and encouraged.