Detaching with love simply means you stop doing things for that person what they are perfectly capable of doing for themselves. My exabf used to have me call his probation, phone in sick for him, do things he could have done for himself, but chose not to because he'd rather be out smoking crack. By allowing them to take care of their own matters, it eases the pressure off of you some.......not to mention by making them responsible for their own actions, we stop enabling them which only makes it easier for them to use. One more thing......by making life too easy....giving them money, paying their bills, so on and so forth, again.........you just make it that much more easier to go out there and use.........where that leaves you is usually not a good place to be.