I asked him a couple of "what ifs." We live an hour away from where he works and I asked him what if he did what he has promised me and took the train to work and left his debit card and wallet here. Takes his lunch every day so that he has no need for money and no accessibility to it.
You're both are right...that's not a solution. That's trying to put a band-aid on a problem. It's a temporary fix and an attempt to control his drinking.
As for why you have to hurt so much if it's the right thing........
I know it seems like we have disconnected from them so much that it shouldn't hurt, but it's just not that way, is it?
My friend told me that if I didn't have those very painful feelings, that she would be worried about me! She said if I had been able to walk away from my marriage with no emotion, there would be something wrong with me. It really is unpractical to think that we could just walk away with no pain, no doubts, laughing all the way. It
is very hard. But you know what? It does get better. Waaaaaay better. Promise.
Today, I took a drive with my dog. We had the windows down, and his little ears were flapping in the wind, his nose in overdrive taking in all the smells. I'm a dork, I know it, but I yelled, "I am so happy to be alive!" I know that sounds weird, but it just felt right at that moment.
Best.
TG