Sad day for me
My AH is looking for an apartment as I type. I am not okay. I thought I would be, but I am not. As I told him last night that he had to look for one today, I had no emotion. No tears. Nothing. This morning, when I reiterrated what he needed to do, still nothing. We talked just like things were normal. But when he actually started gathering his stuff and preparing to leave, I lost my composure.
I have been here before. We have been separated twice before now and each time it was SO hard to not call him as he drove away (after I asked him to leave) and beg him to come back. The sadness lasted for a few days and then slowly we adjusted. But this time is different. It will be final, as we will be meeting with an attorney to discuss divorce.
I didn't think I loved him anymore, but I guess I was wrong. It shouldn't hurt this badly if I didn't love him, right? But I can't be with him anymore. His drinking hurts our family too bad and the instability is horrible for my children.
He understands and tells me that he knows I deserve better and how he wants me to be happy. "Be strong," he tells me.
We have been so unhappy for so long. I have been so unhappy. So why is it so hard to let go? Why does it suck so bad?