((jessieandme))
My A celebrates 4 months sobriety today, a remarkable feat for a man who was close to death due to his drinking not so long ago.
We talk a lot now too. He too tells me things I never knew, yes they hide SO much when they are actively using. Yes, they hate themselves and are SO ashamed of their actions, and they fear our anger and resentment when they finally start to open up. He and I see a counselor and have agreed to keep the heavy stuff for our appointments. We also made a pact that when we are talking about stuff and one or the other becomes overwhelmed or angry or it hurts too much, that we will stop and take a breather for a while.
I too have pondered my decision to stay with him. Reading as much as I have about alcoholism, I know that the statistics say that most do not fully recover, most do relapse eventually. I had to make a decision whether or not I wanted to live with the fear of the unknown or to live "one day at a time" like the others have mentioned in their replies.
I chose ODAT. For today I can live with him, for today I can love him and appreciate that he is my husband, for today I am proud of him and his efforts to work his program and stay sober, for today I can be his wife.
I also know that I must keep working my program, every day, so that if that day does come, I am able to make sensible decisions. I have gone through a relapse with him before and at that time I was not working on my recovery, I had no idea something was wrong with me too!
I think if we let all of the "unknowns" overwhelm us it can become too much to deal with. Just having every day stuff to deal with can be overwhelming at times--throw in an addict to that and it could become too much.
Saying the Serenity prayer helps too.
Many hugs to you as we continue on this journey, and I wish nothing but the best for you and your A~