a small "Yay!" for 30 days sober, but...
My AH made 30 days. Yay! Just thought I'd mention it.
But that doesn't mean everything is ok now, as we all know. And that is the heartbreaking part. {sigh}
We are continuing to work on our relationship. We discuss his drinking and the things he did. He is comfortable talking about his problem now, and even telling me things I never knew. They hide a lot when they are active, and hate themselves for it deep down. He is very ashamed, but also proud to be recovering. He actually likes to tak about it. We have met many other people in recovery just by his openness to mention it. Many of our neighbors are in recovery it turns out. (We had a block party this weekend.)
We discuss my recovery, my boundaries and our common ground. He doesn't fully understand my need for recovery, he doesn't fully understand about codependence and all that.
We spend time together not discussing any of it, just being a happy couple gardening or making dinner. It is so nice.
I still have a lot of stress and confusion inside me as we navigate through our pending divorce vs. reconciliation. I am still terrified. I can be honest about that fact here.
How do I tell him I am not sure I should accept a marriage when I cannot say I can accept the bad times? When he is so focused on making sure they never happen!? How does a couple discuss THAT? He just is so sure he will not relapse, he sems hurt if I am making decisions based on the notion that he will.