Constant
I am so sorry that things are not going too well with you right now.
I don't think that this is something that will just go away, nor do I think it is something you should just shrug off. What I think it is, is something that you need to learn to "accept". That doesn't mean you have to approve or think it's okay, it means that you need to "accept" that he is an alcoholic who is struggling and who may or may not ever stay sober.
And then you have to decide whether you can or cannot live with it. And you don't have to make that decision until you are ready, but looking at it through the eyes of acceptance, and thinking about it with your mind on recovery, will help clarify your answer.
No matter how much recovery we have or work, I don't think we ever stop wishing they would stop. But recovery means also looking at the reality and deciding what we need to do to look after ourselves.
Sending hugs and prayers that your clouds begin to part and allow the light to shine through.
Hugs
Ann