The dark cloud!!!

Old 09-03-2003, 04:18 AM
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The dark cloud!!!

Not sure where to start, but here it goes. The summer was great and the best one in years......My husband didn't drink most of the summer or very little. Was very pleasant and involved in the family.

I haven't said anything about his drinking either and it does appear that it is starting to take back over. Has anyone else seen this.....where they continue to talk the talk, but the walk isn't all there? He says he isn't going back to his old ways, but I see his personality getting grumping and lashing out again. OF course this seems to go with the beer drinking....even if he doesn't get drunk, but does have beer several days in a row he gets grumpy.

He went to a bar last Friday night....called me at 3am to see if I could come and get him from his friends house.....he wanted to be in his own bed, but knew he shouldn't drive....I told him that I could not....I had three sleeping children (he should know this they are his too) and I wouldn't wake them or leave them here. He didn't complain and came home at 7am....fell into bed reeking of alcohol. I went about my day as usual.....but why do I still feel like a dark cloud is hanging over me? I am making my own plans and doing my own thing or the kids thing, but yet I STILL feel bad because he has chosen to drink!!!! WHY??? Does that ever go away? or is it just something I have to keep shrugging off?

Would love to have y'alls opinion!

Constant
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Old 09-03-2003, 04:36 AM
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Ann
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Constant

I am so sorry that things are not going too well with you right now.

I don't think that this is something that will just go away, nor do I think it is something you should just shrug off. What I think it is, is something that you need to learn to "accept". That doesn't mean you have to approve or think it's okay, it means that you need to "accept" that he is an alcoholic who is struggling and who may or may not ever stay sober.

And then you have to decide whether you can or cannot live with it. And you don't have to make that decision until you are ready, but looking at it through the eyes of acceptance, and thinking about it with your mind on recovery, will help clarify your answer.

No matter how much recovery we have or work, I don't think we ever stop wishing they would stop. But recovery means also looking at the reality and deciding what we need to do to look after ourselves.

Sending hugs and prayers that your clouds begin to part and allow the light to shine through.

Hugs
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Old 09-03-2003, 04:38 AM
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in my humble opinion..........

I haven't had the experience of living with an A while he is attempting to recover (my A refused to change his ways even one inch) but.......

Sounds to me like your common sense and years of experience are making you know down deep inside that what is happening is an indicator that his recovery may be due for a setback or may fail completely.

Alcoholics CANNOT continue to drink ANY alcohol (including beer) and expect to get well. PERIOD.

I think you're expecting too much of yourself not to be disapointed in what is going on with him. Go ahead and feel your feelings.

Just remember that giving into those emotions and letting his de-railment cause you to have a wreck on the road to YOUR recovery would be a double tragedy.

Anyone who lives with a drinking A, and doesn't feel an occasional dark cloud is either a liar or one of those Stepford wives.

Take care
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Old 09-03-2003, 09:30 AM
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((((((Constant))))))

So your human.. Welcome....I to have to watch out for the dark clouds....Remembering that this is s family disease, that it will not just go away like a phase kid go through, I have to keep the focus on me, not them, not what they are doing, thinking, feeling, but on me...My sponsor put it to me like this;

If he/they had TB; would I demand they quit coughing?

I don't think so but I would have to accept that they had it...
I would educate myself about it...I would get me a support group, and I'd learn to do the things I NEEDED to do for me to live with it or get out...if I didn't I'd go nuts trying to change things I can't..

Today when the clouds start to appear I work very, very hard to find even one bright thing in my life and I keep my thoughts and mind on that one thing...when I get off track, I just give myself permission to start over..I hope it helps to know we all have those days.

Consider yourself HUGGED!
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Old 09-03-2003, 10:13 AM
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Ann, Eyes, and Daffodil,

Thanks for your reponses....I am working on myself and focusing on what I need and the childrens needs. Even though his grumpy attitude is showing it's face, I am maintaining and not getting sucked into fights over nothing!

I have already looked into my feelings and I decided a year ago that I would be staying.....the good out weighs the bad at this point....not to say that couldn't change later. However, I do see myself when the children are gone growing sick of it.....but that decision is not for today.

I do realize that an alcoholic can not drink AT ALL....not even BEER!! HE evidentially does not believe that he is an alcoholic (or if he does he is not ready to admit it) ......maybe that day will come...maybe it won't.

I need to take my recovery to the next level.....so my family better get ready, I am turning up the heat!

Blessings to you all, thanks for the hugs,

Constant
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