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Old 02-14-2007, 04:52 AM   #16 (permalink)
Pawprints
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: UK
Posts: 11
The hallucinations aren't just sounds... and it's not just when I give up at all. They come and go in "phases" every few months or so... and will last anywhere from 1 week to 1 month or more. I just start hearing and seeing stuff that isn't there, and I have these 'urges' to hurt people and so many things. Last time I thought demons were trying to persecute me and I stopped eating and was sleeping on the floor, and sitting up for hours writing about my "theory" of God, life, etc. And, in the end, I was going to kill myself for spiritual reasons. The 'phase' ended just in time. I know that sounds stupid and insane BUT at the time it all made perfect sense. Argh I can't take it, I don't want it to happen again.

I think my symptoms go beyond this hallucinosis thing... cos they are just hearing sounds etc really. I don't know... I will have to decide what is worse to me. Do I quit the drink and MAYBE stopped going crazy or shall I keep my alcohol and have the hallucination phases etc. The drink itself kind of dulls all the fear and anxiety I have about when my next 'crazy phase' is going to come. I get so scared sometimes

I guess its a chicken and egg thing. I don't know what came first really, did the drink cause hallucinations or did the hallucinations lead me to drink to cope with the stress? I think it is the 2nd option, because I remember a couple from when I was really young.
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