Yes, I've been where you are. Not only that I think I survived. I never actually wished my mother would die, bu I knew my life would be better when she did. And it has been in many ways. While she was still alive my Dad didn't drink. Now he's my alcoholic. When I came to the point that I was looking forward to his passing, I cut off contact with him. I've got to believe it's better for both of us. I do believe whether they are still alive or if it's following their deaths, eventually we have to work through the relationship and our grief over it's limitations. Good Luck to you, this is a very, very hard place to find yourself.