When I finally came to the conclusion that I was an alcoholic and totally on the verge of messing up a great life, I finally saught help. (Tried AA but definetly not for me.) I had a great psychiatrist, a wonderful internest and went to IOP for 4 months. You know what really surprised me? None of these professionals were even slightly interested in what led to my alcholism. The main focus was to stop drinking NOW!
That was 2 1/2 years ago, haven't had a drink since. I still privately mull over what led me to where I was but I do that less and less as the days pass. I am much more future oriented yet also enjoying everyday as it comes.
Hope you can sort things out.
jane