Do you?
Hi everyone.
I hope you are all well and that you had a good weekend...
I have often said that when my alcoholic mother dies, it won't be a loss for me as she's never really portrayed herself as a mother.
She has attempted suicide and has threatened to do it so many times, that I'm actually just waiting for that phone call.
What bothers me is the fact that I think I would feel utter relief when she dies. Like the sour part of my life will finally be gone forever, and that it would all just seem like a nightmare. I feel guilty about these thoughts sometimes. However, when she phones me (drunk beyond belief) and tells me that she can't anymore and she is going to die... those are the times I sit and almost wish for her to succeed in her attempt.
Have any of you ever felt this way? Have you ever felt that you don't really love this person... have wished for them to just die and leave you alone to live your life in peace?