This forum is not a scripture based forum. Its a recovery based forum. I am a Christian, but I understand that everyone here is not.
As for the original question. My opinion...
I can not and will not submit to a husband who does not submit to the word of God. The Bible never tells me to do that...it tells me to marry someone who DOES submit to the word and will of God.
The husband is responsible to act according to the word and I am responsible to submit to him...my submission was not contingent on his actions.
In the same token, I am responsible to be married to someone who follows the word of God. When I chose to live my way and follow a man who did not follow Gods laws as I interpret them things did not work out so well.
The purpose of women submitting is so the husband can take spiritual and physical responsibility for the household as God intends it to be the mans responsibility. I read the bible to state that as HIS job..not mine. When I chose to take control and run the show, that was not what I was supposed to be doing.
When I realized what my ex wanted me to submit to was against what God told me to do in the scriptures, I could no longer stay.
I believe I am instructed in the Bible to marry another believer (aka -not be unequally yoked) in order to avoid this entire problem.