Submissive Wives & Alcoholic Husbands

Old 01-29-2007, 01:20 PM
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You're welcome.
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Old 01-29-2007, 01:21 PM
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I find this post taking a very offensive tone. I was trying to explain a question asked. I do not consider my core beliefs crap. I have absolutely no clue what authors you refer to since they were scribes that are long dead. The above post was rude. Live as you choose. I don't think I've ever had anyone tell me my core beliefs are crap before. Huh.
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Old 01-29-2007, 01:25 PM
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The only book I was referring to was the

WEBSTERS DICTIONARY

when referencing the definition of the word "submit" "submissive"

everyone has their own beliefs but I don't think anyone should push them on other people.. I simply was asking what you thought the definition of the word meant.. As what you are explaining and what the correct definition is are two different things..

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What does it mean to be a submissive wife.

Should we be submissive wives when our husbands are alcoholics?

My XAH use to tell me that I was disobeying God because I was not a submissive wife.

Is it easier to be a submissive wife when you have a Godly husband? A husband that loves you and wants to take care of you.

Just curious. We had this conversation this weekend and it has been on my mind.

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Well there is the definition from Websters -
Main Entry: sub·mit
Pronunciation: s&b-'mit
Function: verb
Inflected Form(s): sub·mit·ted; sub·mit·ting
Etymology: Middle English submitten, from Latin submittere to lower, submit, from sub- + mittere to send
transitive verb
1 a : to yield to governance or authority b : to subject to a condition, treatment, or operation
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Old 01-29-2007, 01:25 PM
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Everyone is free to believe what they want to believe. And they are free to express their views and opinions. That's what I did. I was referring to this topic as a whole and not to any individual response.
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Old 01-29-2007, 01:29 PM
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I didn't want to go here, but here's my real opinon.

yes, the Bible was written by men who were a part of their times. This was a time of slavery, female submission, trichinosis, etc. There's stuff in there that is not to be taken literally.

However, the concept of Christian marriage, properly applied, is not anti-feminist. It is about a team running their family life together. Jews have a similar arrangement - the man is in charge of providing for the family, the woman runs the household.

Now, everyone knows of jerk offs who take this stuff too far and think that means they can tell their wife to bark like a dog and she has to or God's going to make her menstruate on the spot. You know women who hide their codie nature by whining, "But God said I have to put up with his crapola!" No no no ... it's a distortion of a way of living that , while it's not for me, is a perfectly legitimate and respectable lifestyle.
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Old 01-29-2007, 01:32 PM
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"yes, the Bible was written by men who were a part of their times. This was a time of slavery, female submission, trichinosis, etc. There's stuff in there that is not to be taken literally."

Absolutely!
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Old 01-29-2007, 01:37 PM
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FD, there is beauty in the Bible too. When I'm tempted to judge people I think about Jesus chillin with whores and moneylenders and tax collectors. This was a dude who knew about the value of what's inside a person.

Like alanon, you can take what you like and leave the rest. Or take none. It's just not nice to tell people that they're morons for following an ancient religion and it's traditions. When women are using religion to subjugate themselves, as so often happens, I find that making them feel like dopes doesn't help them break free of their bonds
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Old 01-29-2007, 01:43 PM
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Well said, WantsOut.
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Old 01-29-2007, 01:44 PM
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I didn't notice anyone demeaning anyone in their posts - I noticed people expressing their opinions... honestly the only rude comment I saw was that directed to me ha ha -

respecting and honoring someone is one thing... submission is another...
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Old 01-29-2007, 01:51 PM
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"It's just not nice to tell people that they're morons for following an ancient religion and it's traditions."

Once again, I would agree with you, if that is what was said here. But it wasn't. What I said is that I disagree entirely with the concept of a "submissive wife."
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Old 01-29-2007, 01:51 PM
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Don't worry, my husband thinks it's crap too. He prays but I don't know to whom. No problems, no worries.
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Old 01-29-2007, 06:34 PM
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Originally Posted by WantsOut View Post
Why did God give me feet if they weren't meant to kick my husband's butt?

*LOL*

Now that was funny *LOL*

Submit to your husbands does NOT mean become a doormate.
What it means is that a woman understands her position in the marriage *as God intends* and not take over the role that the man "should" be doing.
Man and woman are equal in God's sight but the role of each is different in God's sight.
The woman is to be a help mate and the man is to be a leader by example, (not a bully that dictates)

Words such as submit, respect, obey as written in the bible do not mean what most people think they mean.

Maybe it would be better understood if you think of it in terms of the word Usurp...
Meaning #1: seize and take control
Meaning #2: take the place of

God's role for the man should be left to the man to do, not taken from him.
He won't do it? Well that is his issue Not your issue.
A point of respect... I respect you enough that I am leaving your issue in your hands to deal with or not deal with. Such is not an earned respect but a given respect as commanded from God. Earned respect is something we all would give when so earned.

Submit but not to a point of being a doormate or punching bag...Boundaries are needed if such things happen and should be used.
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Old 01-29-2007, 07:17 PM
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I've read quite a few posts that I agree with - and of course a few I didn't - LOL.

What does it mean to be a submissive wife.
Someone answered this on page one in a much better way than I could've - unfortunately I can't recall who it was. But as Best said also - it's not meant to be a doormat. It is about respect - but also respecting someone that has your very best interest at heart.


Should we be submissive wives when our husbands are alcoholics?
Aboslutely not. I feel that an A's main priority is his alcohol - therefore, he doesn't have my best interest at heart, let alone his own. Also because an A doens't think things through, manipulates, guilts, lies, etc - to submit to an A or anyone with these characteristics would definately be spiritual suicide if not in the end the ultimate suicide or murder. By "submitting" to an A, it's playing the role of the victim forever. And I feel that having not had boundaries, etc. I did to some extent submit to the A in my life - and it was a type of spiritual death. (Not sure I'm explaining myself well but hopefully some of you understand what I'm trying to say)


My XAH use to tell me that I was disobeying God because I was not a submissive wife.
This does not surprise me. Have you not ever noticed that an A will use whatever they can against the unruly, disobeying wife that doesn't support one's habit 100%???? They only hear what they want - and many parts of the Bible have been misquoted or taken out of context by not just an A, but by many, in order to gain control and manipulate their prey/victim.


Is it easier to be a submissive wife when you have a Godly husband?
Absolutely!!! (then again, this would depend on YOUR own definition of what submission really means)
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Old 01-29-2007, 07:39 PM
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Originally Posted by WantsOut View Post
Why did God give me feet if they weren't meant to kick my husband's butt?
My 1st husband is part Japanese. He grew up with his mother being very submissive. He tried giving me that bull about a woman's place. Mentioned that in Japan the woman walks behind the man. I responded yeah so she can kick him in the a** when he needs it!
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Old 01-30-2007, 03:15 AM
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Jews have a similar arrangement - the man is in charge of providing for the family, the woman runs the household.
As always, generalizations must be used carefully.
See, my Rabbi is married; and she's a woman!

I think the whole thing is about respect.

Shalom!
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Old 01-30-2007, 04:11 AM
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Thank You historyteach. Willing submission is an outward act of respect.
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Old 01-30-2007, 09:21 AM
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The man should be the head while the woman is the neck.......I however, am sick and tired of holding the bobbing head up.
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Old 01-30-2007, 12:10 PM
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This forum is not a scripture based forum. Its a recovery based forum. I am a Christian, but I understand that everyone here is not.

As for the original question. My opinion...

I can not and will not submit to a husband who does not submit to the word of God. The Bible never tells me to do that...it tells me to marry someone who DOES submit to the word and will of God.

The husband is responsible to act according to the word and I am responsible to submit to him...my submission was not contingent on his actions.

In the same token, I am responsible to be married to someone who follows the word of God. When I chose to live my way and follow a man who did not follow Gods laws as I interpret them things did not work out so well.

The purpose of women submitting is so the husband can take spiritual and physical responsibility for the household as God intends it to be the mans responsibility. I read the bible to state that as HIS job..not mine. When I chose to take control and run the show, that was not what I was supposed to be doing.

When I realized what my ex wanted me to submit to was against what God told me to do in the scriptures, I could no longer stay.

I believe I am instructed in the Bible to marry another believer (aka -not be unequally yoked) in order to avoid this entire problem.
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