Overcomer & Paulos, I was like you, there was no way in hell I was going to AA, no way in hades they could help me stay sober, I was just like you 2 for about 10 years, I was miserable, I hated myself, I kept quitting for a day or 2 and be right back to drinking, I would cut back to 8 or 9 beers a day for a week and figure well heck 8 or 9 beers is no problem, why not 9 or 10? 11 or 12?
After 10 years of being miserable hating myself because I could not stop drinking I gave up!!! NO NO NO, I did not give up drinking, I gave up trying to quit drinking because after 10 years of living in misery trying to stop I finally admitted to myself I was powerless over alcohol!!!
Why in the world fight what I could not beat, I surrendered, to heck with it, I will drink because I need to drink, why be miserable and fight my disease, it is/was easier just to let the disease have total control over me. Wow what a relief, I am not being sarcastic when I say that, I felt good, no more fighting it, just drink!
Well when I saw death as the end of the drinking highway I finally was willing to do anything to get and stay sober!!! I put myself into detox, I swallowed my stupid pride and went into AA, I followed directions, I have not had a single relapse, I have been sober 134 days, and I am happier then I have been in over 30 years.
Why fight the disease? Do what I did, give up.... it is far easier, don't be miserable, drink like I did until you die or until like me you see death in your future and get help!