Well man,
Like most of us we've lost something(s) near and dear to us because of our choice to drink and drink and drink.
Seperating the way you feel right now from what you've done in the past will just show you that alcohol caused the wreckage. So asking, "Why shouldn't I just drink now?" will just cause more bad things to happen - that is a promise.
Trust me on this buddy, NEVER say things couldn't get any worse - testing the Man upstairs is a bad idea. For people like us, drinking only makes things worse.
Don't get me wrong, I know how you feel - I'm currently in a red alert status at work trying to save my job from my past choice to get drunk instead of work, put I have a choice NOW to turn it around. I'm certainly not going to say, "Well I'm already screwed so I'm just going to drink, it won't bring my chance of promotion back."
You've got people here that want to help you - and by the way congrats on posting and being sober for 4? days that's outstanding!
PR