After 40 years of trying I gave up and cut all contact with my large family about 3 years ago.
I did everything I could possibly do, but nothing was ever good enough for them. Their unacceptable behaviour = verbal abuse, emotional abuse, disrespect, violence and in the end absolute betrayal.
First there was a feeling of relief for me, after making this decision. That lasted a couple of months. Then fear creeped in, like what will they do to try and suck me back into their lives and how will I handle it. A few attempts have been made but always ended in an argument/fight. I have had a complete year with NO contact at all with any of them.
My physical life is very peaceful BUT I suffer heavy psychological feelings of hurt, guilt, fear, loneliness and constant wishing things could be different ALL the time. Plus I can't forgive them. I understand alcoholism and its' effects on family members (thanks to 3 years Al-Anon meetings and lots of reading)
But I look after myself now because my family's behaviours were making me mentally and physically ill e.g. depression, anxiety, heart problems, diabetes 2 (which has nearly gone now because it was mainly bought on by extreme stress, so my Doctor says).
I think I'm rambling so I'll end with... I'm at a stage that I don't know which is better - to have my family in my life with their unacceptable behaviours OR live with the on-going mental pain/grief of not being part of my (ageing, parents being over 80 years old )family.