(((Damaged)))
I can relate to your situation so well...although my H is now in recovery, what you wrote could have been us.
How do you cope? Give it over to your HP and then let it go. Go to Alanon, come here, read the other posts and the power posts at the top and pray, pray, pray.
I went through agony trying to control the situation with my H, the "walking around on eggshells" so I didn't upset HIM and give him yet another reason to take off and use.
I don't know the exact moment it happened, but once I finally succumed to the fact that I AM powerless over him and his choices and I ONLY can work on me and my recovery and I MUST let go of his problems, did I feel any sense of serenity come over me.
It doesn't happen over night, at least not for me...it took me several years before I finally "got it."
Even now, in his sobriety, when I see him being moody or being selfish, going through rough times when he's craving, I mind my own business and let him deal with it. He knows I'm there for him if he wants to talk things over. Sometimes I give him gentle reminders like "I love you and if you need me I'm here."
I hope this helps some...and this forum is THE best...I come here every time I am feeling down and I always find something positive that I gain from reading others who share.
Take good care,