Damage,
I know EXACTLY what you are going through. Mine is the same way. When he's being nice I feel guilty and think that maybe I'm overreacting, but then he goes and starts drinking and the horror hits me right in the face. The ups and downs are so terrible and eventually they do wear on you. I know I am tired of it and I can't even look at him the same anymore. I don't trust what he says or does and I hate talking to him when he's drinking. In fact, I don't even try anymore.
Sometimes while he's drinking he'll ask if he's starting to bother me, because he knows how I feel about his drinking. Well, what do I say then? If I say yes, then he gets pissed and is really hard to deal with. So I just bite my tongue and say no and hope to get through the day so that I can go to bed and not have to listen to him.
I've decided that I am not going to hang around him while he is drinking. I am either going to go upstairs to my room or in the garage and watch tv. I don't know if that will do anything as he can always come and find me, but maybe it will make a point to him that I am not going to deal with it anymore.
You are doing the right thing in coming here. I joined just a few days ago and the support is so wonderful, especially since I can get it anytime I want. Also, I recommend going to Alanon meetings. I'm going to my first one on Monday. I can't wait to see his reaction to that.
All in all, though, I don't think we're going to stay together much longer unless he really starts to try. I just can't take the ups and downs. Just last night he drank a 6 pack in 2.5 hours and then this morning was trying to be all nice to me. I just can't fake it anymore and he needs to realize that.
You hang tough and know that you have a lot people out there going thru the same thing. We're here for you if just need to vent, talk or ponder.
Hugs,
Kitkat