(((blessed2be)))
So far I've cut off contact with my parents 3 times, so that whole "permanently" thing doesn't ring true with me. The first time I did it was after my Mom turned me in to CPS for child abuse. CPS cleared me. I told my Mom I had to take a break from her. That estrangement ended about 6 months later in family counseling and my complete disinheritence. Did I mention I'm an only child? Geeze. The counselor took me aside after a month and recommended permanent separation. His exact words were, "Your parents aren't playing fair and you need to protect yourself." But.....I can be a slow learner. That was 15 years ago. Mom died.
Seven years ago, I cut off contact with my Dad following an awful scene over Christmas. It involved him giving my son large sums of money after being told that gifts of that kind needed to be discussed and disclosed. He gave my then 13 year old son several hundred dollars with instructions "not to tell Mom." Even then all of the drama, screaming and threats came from him. We reconciled at my Grandmother's death bed. Probably a mistake, ya think?
The latest was in Aug. of 2006. When once again his temper and bullying behavior frightened me to death. When he hung up on me, after screaming obscenities at me about my son, I decided that the last time he hung up on me was the last time he'd hang up on me.
I do send letters once a month to update him on our lives. I consider it a kindness on my part. He can tell his friends how we are and "pretend" we're a normal family. I get to salve my guilt. My hope is that life unfolds in such a way that he and I can live peacefully and apart for the rest of our lives. I don't ever want or need to see him again. Sad huh? He turned 80 last summer.
I'm not sure what you're looking for but I hope this helps. I was drawn by your mention of 3 young children. All of my awareness of my issues with my parents and with ACOA came up with the birth of my son. Everything has been about protecting him and breaking the cycle in my generation. I hope you can too.