Anyone cut off from parents completely?
Hi all,
Having a tough time today. Today is my Mom's birthday. She is an alcoholic (as well as my Dad) and of course, she is in denial. I cut contact with her and my Dad (who was also physically abusive to me and Mom) after a horrendous Christmas with them. We have 3 small kids and made the decision to stay away to protect our children. After growing up in such a violent home, I went on to somehow marry a normal, wonderful man.
I haven't talked to my Mom since Dec. 28th. I knew it would be difficult to walk away. I have been going to Al-Anon for the last two weeks (have been to 5 meetings so far). The meetings have completely been my strength. Unfortunately I can't make any meetings today, but still needed to vent. I am working really hard on not focusing on them, but on me. I don't want to contact my Mom. She blames me for everything wrong. I feel she needs to realize that because of their alcoholism, they will lose us unless something changes. I know I can't change them. It took a long time, but I realize that now. I guess I am going through the sort of "grief/loss" period that members of Al-Anon said I would go through. Knowing it was coming doesn't make experiencing it that much easier! The most difficult thing to deal with is that I am an only child. They had one chance and they blew it. I know I have a wonderful family now and that we can make our own great memories. I guess I am just disgusted that I had to walk away at all. None of this should have ever happened.
I have been getting so much support from the meetings and the boards that I visit. I am trying to read more to understand more. I guess I feel the need to ask the question, "Did anyone out there completely detach themselves from their parents?". What made you make the decision? Was it forever? If not forever, how did it happen that you were on speaking terms again? How can you just detach and still have a relationship with the person?
I am not looking for someone to tell me what to do. I would just like to read someone else's experience so that I may "take what I like and leave the rest". Thanks!