Hi KS,
I met my XAH back in 1997. A month after we were dating I saw a huge red flag waving telling me that his decision to stay out all night drinking at a function that we went to together (I left around 1000 and thought he would come over to my house) is something I should stay away from. I ignored it. We dated for 5 years got engaged, I always new him as a big drinker and was always amazed at how much he could drink and he never seemed to be bothered the next day. One day he walked out. Said he could not do it (get married).
He came back two years later, I waited for him...yes I did because he was my "soulmate" and by coming back I thought that was God putting us together . Not so much. I was so excited that he came back and we got engaged to be married. I never noticed how much his drinking progressed. My sponsor told me to live with him for a year, and that I could postpone the wedding until I walked down the isle. Well I didn't live with him for a year we got married last June.
I meekly asked if we could postpone the wedding and he said no, all the people are coming...I said ok. My neighbor, since I have been separated, told me that the night before the wedding I mentioned that I was really worried about his drinking. It has only gotten worse. I deserve so much more than I was allowing myself to have. The things that he was doing were so horrible, mean, dishonest, disrespectful etc...I pushed me and my feelings aside to get this???
Since we have separated it has been hard. I am in therapy, coming to this site alot and hoping he doesnt call. He hasn't. My thing is that I guess I still want to be important to him and I am not at all important to him. I want better for myself. I have not been more important that drinking for a very long time. Drinking and hanging out with people he doesn't even know until all hours of the night is the choice that he makes today.
Hang in there, we are all here for you and we are all too familiar with the feelings you are feeling.