Tony, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. You're right though, to live to a ripe old age living still in your own home and die quickly is pretty good when you look at the alternatives.
I am so glad you have stayed sober throughout it and have been using your tools. I can well imagine that temptation that you faced and yeah our disease will tell us what a perfect excuse but look at it this way. What an awful way to disrespect your loved ones memory. I have had some losses and I have thought about what will happen when people like my mom die. That drinking thought has come up and immediately I think what a BAD idea it is. Our parents want the best for us and to use them as an excuse to self-destruct is a slap in the face to their memory I think.
Yes, this disease will always play a part in who we are because we have to stay vigilant against it. It is cunning, baffling and powerful (and patient!). It may suck, but it is what it is. We just deal with it. It sounds to me like you are doing a wonderful job in the face of some very rough circumstances. Thank you for sharing your experience, strength and hope and showing others that there just is NO good excuse to pick up a drink. It doesn't solve a thing and it takes the problems we have and just makes them worse!
Big big hugs to you,
Kellye