At least I didn't have to pick up
Not the center of the Universe
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Orchard Lake, Michigan
Posts: 974
At least I didn't have to pick up
Hey guys,
Sad news in my little corner of recovery - my father died Friday morning. On list of ways I would chose to wake up in the morning, a call from a paramedic bearing bad news is way down at the bottom. Way down.
He died in the kitchen of his own home just a few days shy of his 80th birthday. The cause of death was basically just old age, officially sudden cardiac arrest or something. The cool thing is that he was able to stay in his house, doing exactly as he pleased until the end. I think if I get to live to be 80 and die in my own kitchen of natural causes, I would have to consider that a "GoodThing(TM)".
The thing is, I didn't have to drink. I thought of it. I thought "What a perfect excuse to drink. Who would blame me? After all, my father just died." But I pretty quickly realized that is all it would have been - an excuse to do what alcoholics do. But having a drink would not have changed anything in a positive way. It's quite likely that I would still be drinking this morning if I had opened that door just a crack and I would be in a much worse condition to deal with all the things I have to deal with in the coming weeks.
What I did do was go to my regular A.A. meeting and talk about it a little. And it helped... a little. As always, I left the meeting feeling better than when I walked in and I didn't wake up the next morning feeling worse.
There is part of me that just hates the fact that everything that happens to me is going to involve my alcoholism one way or another. But that's the way it is and my not liking it doesn't change it. In N.A. we learn that "every clean day is a successful day no matter what else happens" and by that measuring stick, I had a very successful day.
At least I didn't have to pick up.
One Love, One Heart,
Tony
Sad news in my little corner of recovery - my father died Friday morning. On list of ways I would chose to wake up in the morning, a call from a paramedic bearing bad news is way down at the bottom. Way down.
He died in the kitchen of his own home just a few days shy of his 80th birthday. The cause of death was basically just old age, officially sudden cardiac arrest or something. The cool thing is that he was able to stay in his house, doing exactly as he pleased until the end. I think if I get to live to be 80 and die in my own kitchen of natural causes, I would have to consider that a "GoodThing(TM)".
The thing is, I didn't have to drink. I thought of it. I thought "What a perfect excuse to drink. Who would blame me? After all, my father just died." But I pretty quickly realized that is all it would have been - an excuse to do what alcoholics do. But having a drink would not have changed anything in a positive way. It's quite likely that I would still be drinking this morning if I had opened that door just a crack and I would be in a much worse condition to deal with all the things I have to deal with in the coming weeks.
What I did do was go to my regular A.A. meeting and talk about it a little. And it helped... a little. As always, I left the meeting feeling better than when I walked in and I didn't wake up the next morning feeling worse.
There is part of me that just hates the fact that everything that happens to me is going to involve my alcoholism one way or another. But that's the way it is and my not liking it doesn't change it. In N.A. we learn that "every clean day is a successful day no matter what else happens" and by that measuring stick, I had a very successful day.
At least I didn't have to pick up.
One Love, One Heart,
Tony
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Highlands, TX
Posts: 1,192
Tony, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. You're right though, to live to a ripe old age living still in your own home and die quickly is pretty good when you look at the alternatives.
I am so glad you have stayed sober throughout it and have been using your tools. I can well imagine that temptation that you faced and yeah our disease will tell us what a perfect excuse but look at it this way. What an awful way to disrespect your loved ones memory. I have had some losses and I have thought about what will happen when people like my mom die. That drinking thought has come up and immediately I think what a BAD idea it is. Our parents want the best for us and to use them as an excuse to self-destruct is a slap in the face to their memory I think.
Yes, this disease will always play a part in who we are because we have to stay vigilant against it. It is cunning, baffling and powerful (and patient!). It may suck, but it is what it is. We just deal with it. It sounds to me like you are doing a wonderful job in the face of some very rough circumstances. Thank you for sharing your experience, strength and hope and showing others that there just is NO good excuse to pick up a drink. It doesn't solve a thing and it takes the problems we have and just makes them worse!
Big big hugs to you,
Kellye
I am so glad you have stayed sober throughout it and have been using your tools. I can well imagine that temptation that you faced and yeah our disease will tell us what a perfect excuse but look at it this way. What an awful way to disrespect your loved ones memory. I have had some losses and I have thought about what will happen when people like my mom die. That drinking thought has come up and immediately I think what a BAD idea it is. Our parents want the best for us and to use them as an excuse to self-destruct is a slap in the face to their memory I think.
Yes, this disease will always play a part in who we are because we have to stay vigilant against it. It is cunning, baffling and powerful (and patient!). It may suck, but it is what it is. We just deal with it. It sounds to me like you are doing a wonderful job in the face of some very rough circumstances. Thank you for sharing your experience, strength and hope and showing others that there just is NO good excuse to pick up a drink. It doesn't solve a thing and it takes the problems we have and just makes them worse!
Big big hugs to you,
Kellye
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: fumbling towards ecstasy
Posts: 2,551
Originally Posted by findingout 
There is part of me that just hates the fact that everything that happens to me is going to involve my alcoholism one way or another. But that's the way it is and my not liking it doesn't change it. In N.A. we learn that "every clean day is a successful day no matter what else happens" and by that measuring stick, I had a very successful day.
My deepest, most heartfelt condolences, Tony. My prayers go out to you and your family.
(...)
Rinnie's Grandpa
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Pylesville Maryland
Posts: 1,273
Tony...
My sincere condolences to you...
Its never easy to lose a loved one, but he did live a nice long life and like you said, he left this life in his own home. That means so much...
I'm so glad you didn't pick up a drink because of his passing. That shows strong resolve...
Stay Strong and Positive...
One day at a time.
Steve
My sincere condolences to you...
Its never easy to lose a loved one, but he did live a nice long life and like you said, he left this life in his own home. That means so much...
I'm so glad you didn't pick up a drink because of his passing. That shows strong resolve...
Stay Strong and Positive...
One day at a time.
Steve
Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: a happier place than before!!!!
Posts: 944
tony....soooo sorry to hear about your dad!!!!! i know what it is like to loose a parent....my mom died 12/24/2003......but i am very proud of you for not drinking....i also know how hard that choice is.....
hugs and prayers
lost
hugs and prayers
lost
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Somwhere over the rainbow
Posts: 1,175
Originally Posted by findingout
The thing is, I didn't have to drink. I thought of it. I thought "What a perfect excuse to drink. Who would blame me? After all, my father just died." But I pretty quickly realized that is all it would have been - an excuse to do what alcoholics do. But having a drink would not have changed anything in a positive way. ...
There is part of me that just hates the fact that everything that happens to me is going to involve my alcoholism one way or another. But that's the way it is and my not liking it doesn't change it. In N.A. we learn that "every clean day is a successful day no matter what else happens" and by that measuring stick, I had a very successful day.
There is part of me that just hates the fact that everything that happens to me is going to involve my alcoholism one way or another. But that's the way it is and my not liking it doesn't change it. In N.A. we learn that "every clean day is a successful day no matter what else happens" and by that measuring stick, I had a very successful day.
I think this part in bold is the real issue for me... I know I dealt with it over the holidays... part of me just wanted to be able to drink like everyone else... to relax and tip a few with friends... which is way different than how I used to drink... alone, large amounts and silently killing myself... the upside, you've helped me tremendously by your telling of how you felt, thank you!
I am very sorry to hear about your loss... my dad died a year and a bit ago and it was very difficult to deal with... peace be with you in this difficult time.
Peace, Levi
Im not crazy and neither am I
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: My place in (M)Assachusetts
Posts: 2,088
sorry for your loss
sounds like you did the right thing by getting to a meeting - keep coming
from experience if you grieve the loss of your father wo drugs or alcohol you will be alot better off and the grieving will be able to be completed in time and in the proper healthy way
on the bright side your father was able to see the holidays and keep doing things he loved in his own home - He is now at peace and would (Im guessing) like to see you continue your recovery and move on in a healthy manner
- best
Massachusetts
sounds like you did the right thing by getting to a meeting - keep coming
from experience if you grieve the loss of your father wo drugs or alcohol you will be alot better off and the grieving will be able to be completed in time and in the proper healthy way
on the bright side your father was able to see the holidays and keep doing things he loved in his own home - He is now at peace and would (Im guessing) like to see you continue your recovery and move on in a healthy manner
- best
Massachusetts
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