losinghim

I myself am still a newbie. Feel comfortable posting and listen to advice. Read everything, especially the stickies. Even if someone's post doesn't seem to apply to you, read it and the advice. You may find that it does apply in some way.
My AH is the same as everyone else's. I have always believed that our love is so much more than anyone else would ever know. That we are closer than two people could possibly ever be. This ugly disease has taken those feelings away from me. I am angry and I am hurt.
If you read my past posts, I have left a few times. I am currently home and have been here a few nights. I have left many times since the week before Thanksgiving. I have finally decided that if I leave again, it is to permanently go to my parents house with the animals. Part of the reason I post right now if because he is sober and I am too hopeful. The last time I left I let him know that he must stop or I will never come home. He stopped, but for me. From everything I have read, this won't be permanent. My hopes are up, and I'm afraid I'm going to be let down.
He freaked out and cried and panicked that I was serious about leaving. So he stopped for two days. I came home to support him. Christmas Day (day 3) we were fighting because he was angry that he has to change and I don't. I stopped by his parents to drop off their presents and they asked me if he drinks too much. Thank god they asked because I wanted to tell him, but with the help of others here, decided it wouldn't be good. They got involved because they had seen it coming. So he spent Christmas with them and I spent it with my family. He was very angry at me that night and told me not to come home. So I stayed at my sister's again. He kept calling me with psycho calls and left some psycho messages. Those only happen when he drinks. So he used a credit card that he thought I wouldn't look for and got beer. He blames me because I wasn't home. Hhhmmm, he told me not to come home.
So now, I'm still home. He stayed sober the next 2 days. Yesterday we went to the movies (sober for the first time in a couple years) We had a great time. But after he wanted to get a beer only and something to eat. I caved. He convinced me that he could have a casual beer without going on a binge. He drank about 5 or 6 beers with dinner. But didn't act drunk because he usually downs vodka! Now today he is angry with me because I told him it isn't a good idea to have margaritas. So he accuses me of being his mother and wants to have nothing to do with me. I will not cave this time. But it is hard, because he's impossible sober right now, but at least he's not verbally abusive like when he's drunk.
I have been to al-anon twice and need to go again. It's just that they are usually at times that he would drink, so I'm staying home trying to keep him from drinking. Newbies - please don't make the mistake I'm making, go to al-anon. I need to decide it's better for me and if he drinks while I'm gone, he is proving that it isn't going to work.
Take my advice, listen to people here, they are supportive and have good advice!!