Thanks everyone - this does really help. I guess I do need to let go of my mother's expectations as well - when I think of my husband and his problem, my next thought is what will my mother say? I am an only child, she and I are exceptionally close. Intellectually, I know my mom would never be angry with me, she would be sad for hubby and for me but I know she would support me. She would never be judgemental and harsh..It's just that she would never in a million years understand why I would stay. She always wanted nothing but the best for me. I am learning though that no relationship is perfect. If no alcohol or substance is involved, then there's usually something somewhere! I have a friend who suspects her husband is a sex addict. He has admitted to doing inappropriate things on the web cam and has some funky issues there. If I had to 'pick my poison', I will take this anyday! Sick as that sounds. In truth, I am not making decisions to come or go. He had one beer at dinner Saturday night. It was the nicest weekend we have had together in months. Sunday was the big test - it's 'sports day' and this is when he drinks most. He didn't have a drop and I never said a word. He says that I will never have to mention this again to him, that he will show me. I was quiet. No response came to me because I know that I will again be disappointed. He still has not accepted that he has a real problem. I really have gotten a lot out of these posts and am going to keep coming. In the past, once I have seen minor improvement, I sort of shut out the rest and before you know it, we were right back to square one with me feeling sad and angry while he's got a great buzz. I am more concerned at this point how I handle things going forward. I love him dearly but I see I can't MAKE him stop drinking. I need to take care of me.