Many years ago when I was dating someone in recovery (inspired by his recovery, I suppose), I wrote a long "letter" to my entire family, and pasted it up on the kitchen wall...it was probably 4 pages long. At that time, I did expect them to "get it", wake up, change, etc...just because I supposedly "saw the light" (rookie mistake).
I have, over the years, written similar letters to various family members, mostly angry diatribes, for the sake of expunging the thoughts from circling around in my head.
I even went so far as to try to remind my mother of the abuse I suffered at her hands...the cruel comments, the physical abuse, etc... she, of course, "didn't remember" any of it. Neither did my MIL remember the cruel messages she gave me, nor did my exH remember making evil statements and wrapping his hands around my neck, nor did my current (hopefullly soon to be ex ) H remember his abusiveness...it was all my imagination.
I'm amazed how people can "forget" (selective perception?) hatefulness towards others. But, for all I know, someone may come up to me someday and "remind" me of something mean I did way back when.
I don't really have a point to what I'm saying, just sharing a little ESH with ya.
It does help me these days, though, to put my thoughts to paper, even putting thoughts onto a computer screen. Just doing that, even without others' sharing their perspectives with me helps me to gain perspective (thought others' sharing usually gives me even greater perspective)
Nothing really "changed" until I started attending ACOA meetings...then, something seemed to become "quiet" inside me.