denny57

Hi Mr C

First I wanted to say I'm glad both you and your attached head will be hanging around for a while.

You know what's attractive? A man who's willing to say hey I'm messing this up and I'd sure like to get it straight this time.

I go to bars once in a while. I don't drink much anymore, but I meet friends there, etc. I don't see them as places to meet anyone for a serious relationship. I'm not saying it can't happen, but I personally don't put much stock in it.

Maybe the answer is in the "singles" scene. I just had this discussion with my therapist last week. I hope I can clearly state this - I tend to go convoluted on it. I believe I'm ready to start letting other men into my life. I can now envision my life with someone else in it at some point in the future. But I'm not setting out to make that happen. I don't have the goal with every man I meet to set up house with him and get into a full blown relationship right out of the gate. The men I am finding myself attracted to right now are the same way - cautious and willing to take their time.

I am having fun. I have met people everywhere I go - meetings, events connected to my work, bbq's, parties, charity events. If a friend says hey I have someone you should date, I say invite us to something together and we'll see. I just don't "date." I think it puts too much pressure on both parties. By that I mean I don't do the pick me up at 6, go to dinner, maybe a movie, bring me home, do I kiss you?, etc. The whole evening feels like an audition. I'm just getting back into this, so I'm no expert. But it's always been more relaxing for me to get to know someone first. I do that by maintaining some control over my part in it. I don't get picked up by someone - I meet them. Hang out and have coffees. Yeah, see a movie (my passion), but leave in separate cars and go home.

To address your specific statements, I happen to like a man who does all the polite things. But those things will mean much more to me on a consistent basis farther down the road. What you may be experiencing are women who have been burned - and that will be true if you are dating in your age group - and so are a little suspicious of the polite guy. There may be a feeling of BTDT and it never worked out. Also, you have your beliefs about women and woman's lib and Sir Hillary. I don't happen to agree with them - LOL - but they are your beliefs. Don't compromise who you are at this particular point just to have a relationship.

I had many core beliefs before going into therapy that I no longer have. I'm still examining others that just aren't working for me, either. I don't know if that's something you're interested in, but it may be worth a try.

Well, I guess what I'm trying to say is that if I approach each new person as a potential long term relationship, serious/sexual affair, then I'm going to push myself to get involved much more quickly than is probably sane or safe. I'm sticking with the slow boat for now.

Hope some of this makes sense. I believe you will find that special person.