mr.c.....could it be possible that since your mom and g'ma were both alcoholics, that you, also are reaching out for the familiar????
when i look back in my childhood, i can see that i keep re-creating the same atmosphere over and over for myself in adulthood....
oh my gawwwddd.....i married my mother.....really, i did. ewwwwwww!!!!!!
i married men that were just as chaotic as she was.....sorry mama, i love you....and i was always trying to fix things with them just like i did as a child for her. i had a job long before i was ever born....and that was to give a teenage girl something to love. she just didn't know i would want to eat, and poop, and would grow, and would cry and throw fits....you know....all the good stuff. she couldn't put me up on a shelf and play with me when she wanted to, and put me away when she was ready.
i was hard-wired to be heard and tended to. just like all infants and children.
hope this helps, mr. c.....
love to all
jeri