Originally Posted by
embraced2000 
...i have learned that the chaos in my childhood.....set a standard that is deeply ingrained in my psyche....i keep reaching out for the familiarity that was defined early on in my mind.....the challenge now is to redirect my thinking and re-define my standard of what a relationship needs to be for me to live mentally healthy.
I've recently found that to be true of myself as well. At least half the battle has been won. We are aware of what we have done in the past, and why!
[QUOTE=embraced2000;1147769]i, too, am attracted to the ones that are bad for me....they really turn me on, so to speak. a nice guy??? ......ooohhh, he is just way to normal, and boring, and dull...QUOTE]
Jeri, you make me laugh, but what you say is so true (for me anyway).
Mr. C., I'm at the point where I'm just not ready for another relationship yet. I look at it this way, I've spent half my life being miserable with the poor choices I've made. The last half of my life I've resigned myself to accept that I will have no one in my life, or at least I'm not working towards that. I'd much rather learn to make myself happy. I've grown tired of wanting things from people that for one reason or another, they are just not capable of giving me. It doesn't make them bad people, it just makes them not right for me. So, if I want these things badly enough, and I do, I'm learning to give them to myself. Self love, self respect, honoring myself.....I truly believe this is what my HP wants me to learn to do. Going to the hardware store for bread just doesn't work. Neither does looking for love and respect from someone who is incapable of giving them based on what my needs are.
'Maybe'????? in time, while treating myself the way I want to be treated, I will be healthy enough to both 'attract' AND 'be attracted to' the sort of person that will give me what I want, and I'll be ready enough to receive it. Or have I just deluded myself into believing another fantasy? I guess time will tell.