he did was deny it and say it was all my f#@King fault and that I must have had my head up my a$$
Hmm. I had that same diatribe with my dad this week. I can't relate to the loss of a parent, as my alcoholic father is still alive.
Something that did help me was when I finally got the memo, that he could never be what I needed in a dad. Anymore, Leviathon, I love his memory of what I want to remember and some times that are nice that he and I share here and there.
Im likely not helping, but hoping you are feeling more at peace.