Thank you both for taking the time to write your thoughts. They are very helpful.
I am in a connundrum. My father committed suicide. Prior to his death I had written him a letter outlining all of his wrongs to me. I then talked with him on the phone and all he did was deny it and say it was all my f#@King fault and that I must have had my head up my a$$. Needless to say, while the letter writing helped, the reaction to it was very difficult and didn't resolve anything. In fact, his denial may have sparked more issues.
I am now finding that I just want to find a way to put all the baggage from the past to rest once and for all. I don't want to keep having this sludge ... for lack of better descriptors... drudged up over and over in my life. So, I am looking at how I can get this stuff out, how I can find closure and how I can put it all behind me once and for all... if that is even possible.
Peace, Levi