Originally Posted by
dog&booklover 
I KNOW that he is not an alcolholic because of me, but BELIEVING it is much harder.
Welcome dog&booklover, glad you're here!
This was true for me, too. I talked about it with our doctor and he said something simple, but it struck a chord with me: after all those years (I was with AH 18) it takes a while for the heart to catch up with the head.
I was so exhausted and ready for anything to change my circumstances that I decided to go ahead and do all the things suggested in Al-Anon and therapy - things that were so contrary to how I had conducted my life and relationship up to that point.
One of the most important things I've learned through all this: nothing changes if nothing changes. And the only thing I am capable of changing is me. When I change, those around me change, too. It's inevitable. I don't get to decide what those changes are - whether I get the happy ending I THOUGHT I wanted - but I can say I am a far happier person today than I was a year ago. For me that means living without AH, but it truly is my happy ending. Last night one of my girlfriends said to me, remember a year ago when all you wanted was for the marriage to work out? I had been asking my friends if they would be nice to him if I took him back. My life revolved around that man. We were in business together. We were what I called best friends. I could not in any way, shape or form imagine him gone.
Today, it is difficult to remember the feel of the chaos. I can tell stories of what happened, recall drunken times, etc., but my soul is not in chaos.
I am not advocating staying or leaving. I advocate taking control of one's own life. Who knows what the outcome will be? Maybe you will get the happy ending you envision.
Good luck and keep posting.