Welcome. I'm glad you found us. I want you to understand that all that blaming and verbal abuse is commonly referred to here as "quacking." I generally just call it blah, blah, blah. Yes, it cuts very deeply. As time went on and I began to realize it was part of the disease I didn't take it personally as much and I generally left the room when the blame-game began. Nobody has to stay and listen to that nonsense.
Keep in mind the 3 C's: you didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. Believe it. If you allow this to sink in, you will begin to take things less personally. A good place to start is to read a lot of our postings, read the stickies at the top of this board, pick up some AA and Al-anon literature. Check out Al-anon meetings in your area. All that is suggested to newcomers is that they go to six meetings before deciding whether to stick with the program or not. Al-anon is the place where you get better acquainted with yourself, the role you've played in this situation, what you need for yourself in order to be happy. The meetings are not about discussing the alcoholic - they're about discussing YOU.
Unfortunately, alcoholism is a progressive disease and you are seeing it progress right before your eyes. The mood swings - yeah, I know those all-too well. It took me a long time to just let it go. You cannot figure it out. None of us here who have tried to figure out the consistent inconsistencies of an A's mind have been able to. You know what happens when you try to climb inside their heads and make sense of them? You become crazier than they are. That is a sad truth.
Unfortunately, I don't think anybody here can give you the assurance that this will have a happily-ever-after ending. It is up to your AH alone to make the decision to change. There are a whole bunch of folks on this board who are grieving the loss of the dream they hoped would be the reality of their life with an alcoholic. A lot of shattered dreams here, but a lot of strength, hope and support too.
Please keep posting.