One thing that really helped me to find clarity through the anger was not taking it personally. For a long time, I was wrapped up in that victim blanket of how could he do this to me? How could he do this to the kids? Why didn't he care enough about us to stop it? Once I stopped taking it personally and took a (sort of) rational look at the facts, it was easier to make a decision that was right for me, instead of one based on anger at him. I hope that makes sense.
It's okay and even neccessary to feel the anger. What's harmful is staying in it. Feel it, process it, and get on with life. Staying in the anger only hurts you .
L