Thanks for your thoughts Ginger. I didn't take that comment as agressive at all. Remember I am a provoker so I can take it. lol
I read a lot on codependency last night as well as detatchment. I am pretty proud to say that in one day I feel I have made a big step although I know I have ways and ways to go. When she called today, as I was out running errands with the dog, and said she was sad (she is afflicted with severe depression as well right now) I came home on my own time and asked her 3 questions before we started the conversation.
1. When is the last time you drank? (Leading up to the point that I won't talk to her when she is drunk)
2. Are you suicidal? (I think this is my biggest fear right now and I knew it would be easier to let that one go if she said no which she did)
3. What are you hoping to get out of this conversation?
I listened to her thoughts about her depression, told her my "boundaries" which include not talking to or seeing her when she has been drinking and that I won't be fixing her problems, worrying about her anymore or telling her what to do. She agreed it was a good move for me and I asked her to continue to respect it. Her big worry was how can I separate when she is drinking and when she is depressed (they look exactly the same). I told her I can't and I won't try because it isn't my worry.
The conversation continued on, didn't end well but I left when she got angry and at least now she has heard my thoughts. From this day on I will try my hardest to stick to what I have set up today. I know it will evolve but it was a start.