Even though you are in a very difficult time of your life, you do sound good. You are reaching out for ways to help YOU. You are being realistic in your thoughts. It is so hard to recognize and accept. We go thru the denial, then believing it's not as bad as it is! Then, begin to accept and "deal" with it. Sorry for this in your life.
Mine use to call on the way home from work and ask if I wanted to meet him for a drink, like it was a gift to me to be included in his little party!