Welcome to SR... Im so sorry your hurting like this.
One thing that did help me is to remember this is a sick person.... so dont take his words or actions to heart.... It really has nothing to do with you.
As far as if he is an Alcoholic..... Does not matter and its really not your place to lable him. What does matter is you have a problem with his drinking, You have a problem with his attitude when he drinks. I have to say that you can not control him..... if he is an Alcoholic its a progressive disease. The only thing you can do is get help for yourself, you are the only one that you can control.
Im glad you are going to a meeting and Carol is meeting you. I know how hard it is to walk through that door. They say to go to 6 different meetings (they are not all the same) before you decide if Al-anon can help you. I can tell you it helped me.
I look forward to getting to know you... stick around and keep posting. You are not alone and we really do understand.