Originally Posted by
YoungPo 
Hi All,
I am the loved one of a previously loving and caring person who can drink until he passes out.
I love him dearly and want to help him but the months of hurt and upset have finally taken their toll on me and i feel that i should wave good bye to him which i don't want as i see the man in him occasionally that he previously was.
How do i help him without making myself ill in the process. Will he ever see what he's doing to himself/us instead of thinking that i'm soft and will allow this crap to go on forever?!!!
I am newly married about 2 years to a loving and caring person who can drink but he never passes out. I love him dearly but I know that I can't help him. Many people here will tell you to focus on you. Reading as denny suggested the forum will help. I totally know how you feel. I am on the fence too about staying or leaving. It does take its toll on us. You ask how to help him without making yourself ill in the process, in my opinion if I do not try to understand that I can't control this, I can't cure it, I didn't cause it I will become more ill than I feel. They won't know how we feel or what is happening until they are ready to realize that. We all have to make our own decision as to what we can and can't tolerate. How we want to live. I hope this helps. stay around here and read. Try to find al-anon. All of these things are a great help.