PW -
Have you ever heard the phrase "If wishes were horses, beggars would ride"? We can wish all we want as hard as we want and as long as we want but those wishes generally don't come true except, maybe, in fairy tales.
You keep wishing that this man would become the man you want and need him to be and he keeps disappointing you over and over again. There is nothing you can do to change him. Spending time worrying about the way he lives and what he thinks and what he says and does is only causing you more pain and turmoil. You are in a vicious circle. You are allowing him to mistreat you, threaten you and generally drive you crazy. You need to stop that pattern now. As long as you continue to chase your tail you continue round and round in the same circle. You need to straighten your path and go forward in search of a better life for you and your son.
Sometimes we can't see the forest for the trees and I am afraid that you are lost in the woods. We are all leaving you bread crumbs to help you find your way out. Please give yourself a break. How about setting a boundary of no contact with him at all for a certain period of time. You don't contact him, you don't take calls from him. Give yourself some room to breathe. Try saying a prayer for him and ask your HP to take care of him. That is really all you can do for him.
Jo