I believe it is Gabe who often says, he doesn't do it "to you", he just does it.
He is as he will be until he takes positive "action" toward recovery. Words won't pay the rent, words won't raise your child, words won't turn him back into the man you remember....only action and a lot of time may do that.
One thing you did learn from all this, is that even at your weakest moment and when you were feeling most vulnerable and lost, you did manage to look after yourself.
So pat yourself on the back and just be grateful for another lesson learned. Look ahead to the light and a wonderful future and let the past be just a sad memory.
Hugs
Ann