Help falling into pit.....
My AH drinks daily and it is usually at home or when we go out to eat dinner too. We both work long hours and often grab something to eat. Occasionally I guess twice a month or on an average once-a-month he does the "I've got to see my brother thing" it is usually on tuesdays because they both have off. They both drink. as did their father and their grandfather etc. Father and grandfather died of liver cancer. Anyway, I digress. Last nite was one of those tuesdays. I went to my on-line al-anon meeting (really great and did help) but I could not stop from being aggravated and agitated when he got home. I tried to work my program and deal with myself. I was ok until I had to look at him and see him. Now he is never fall down but he was definitely behaving and breathing as he does when he has anywhere from 7-10 pints. I know it will always be a big drink nite. Usual nite is 4-5 pints and liquor and with family it could be 15-20 drinks. and he never falls down. I am having a hard time stopping my heart from racing with the anger and hurt. I feel left and abandoned and i feel ashamed to be married to a person who does that and that is a whole other issue the shame of it. I am really upset. I want to try to tap back into the serenity prayer here and accept and feel at peace but I feel feelings of rejection kicking if that makes any sense. I need some thoughts I am really getting down.