welcome to SR, crystal.
I'm also a mom who didn't think I was "that bad". When I see it in writing or if I really hear myself talk, it disgusts me. Yep, I was that bad. I even like to think it was only just this year I was so bad, but then I remember 4 years ago being passed out regularly at noon when the Kindergarten bus dropped off my son and had to honk to wake me. I don't ever want to do such stupid things again.
I've been sober almost 5 months thanks to SR and AA and a supportive husband. I wish the same for you. Keep posting and let us know how you're doing.