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Here I go again........

Old 11-07-2006, 08:11 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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Here I go again........

Hi, I'm a newbie here and just joined today. I am sober right now, although I'm pretty hung over from last night. My dh is out of town and I poured my heart out to him last night over the phone. I told him I am an alcoholic and I want to stop drinking. I asked him if he still loved me and if he would help me and he said yes to both.

A little background.........

I am 30 years old. When I was 19 I became addicted to Crystal Meth and ended up in rehab 3 times before I finally got clean at the age of 21. I did the 12 steps and went to all the AA meetings, even though I kept telling people I was not an alcoholic. They kept telling me I was and I would just roll my eyes and think they were nuts. I didn't drink that much!! I was addicted to methamphetimines and that's why I was there!! Why didn't they get that??? I now know that I was the one that didn't get it. And here I am again, having to start the 12 steps over - this time because I am an alcoholic.

I don't know when I actually started drinking heavily. At one point it was an occasional beer or two. But I know there were several years from the time I met my husband to a time when I can recall that the drinking had become habitual. It wasn't always this bad.

I drink every night. I will have my first beer when I put my youngest son down for his nap around 1pm, my second around 3pm and then usually move onto something harder in the evenings. Wine mostly, sometimes rum. I usually pound 6 or 7 drinks in one night - on top of the beer I drank in the afternoon. Sometimes I will take a hit of weed on top of that if there is any around.

Why does that look worse when I read it than what it really seems? I am a good mother and my kids love me and I dont "feel" drunk until after they go to bed. I pace myself so that I am not totally inebriated while caring for them.

Oh, Lord. I need help. How did I let myself get this out of control? I will admit one thing - I love to feel high. If I don't get my high, I feel anxious and frustrated.

I don't want my children to see me like this anymore. My 6 year old has already said stuff to me. He knows I am hurting myself by drinking and smoking cigarettes. He tells me to stop all the time and gets upset when I don't.

Thanks for listening.


~CRYSTAL~
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Old 11-07-2006, 08:45 AM
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Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
 
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Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
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Welcome to SR!


It's great to see a new member reaching out for help.

I see you already know of the solution I use..AA

Blessings to you and your family..
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Old 11-07-2006, 09:07 AM
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Welcome! As Carol said it's great to see a new member reaching out for help. I also used AA to get my life in order.

What you've done is to "switch seats on The Titanic" meaning changing addictions. Doesn't matter which addiction it is the ship is still going down.

Congratulations on beating your addiction to crystal meth.. that ain't easy. I started early with meth, then switched to cocaine and added booze. When I quit cocaine my booze consumption went sky high and I began using crank again. When I quit the crank I became a total fall down drunk.

You can beat this addiction. It's great that you see it for what it is. Your kids deserve a clean/sober mom... sounds to me like they really want one!

My parents were meth addicts. Every single one of their 4 kids became meth addicts and more. I've lost a sister to Hep C and a neice to overdose. My nephews are still using/drinking. My other sister and brother and myself are all in recovery. It's tough being the kids of an addict and alcholic. The rooms of Sober Recovery are filled with them, trying desperately to straighten their lives out and learning to live a happy life.

Please stick around and let us know how you're doing!!
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Old 11-07-2006, 09:35 AM
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welcome to SR, crystal.

I'm also a mom who didn't think I was "that bad". When I see it in writing or if I really hear myself talk, it disgusts me. Yep, I was that bad. I even like to think it was only just this year I was so bad, but then I remember 4 years ago being passed out regularly at noon when the Kindergarten bus dropped off my son and had to honk to wake me. I don't ever want to do such stupid things again.

I've been sober almost 5 months thanks to SR and AA and a supportive husband. I wish the same for you. Keep posting and let us know how you're doing.
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