Who ever said that it wasn't okay to remember the good times?
I just get that feeling from most of you, that there is some "guilt" for thinking that way. There are good memories and bad memories. I don't see how one set(the good) is supposed to disappear and the other (the bad) is supposed to be remembered so we can
learn from our mistakes. As long as you can remember that he will never be like that again, it's not the same man before his addiction became the boss, then I don't see the problem with enjoying a few good times too.
Below, Red equals the past, whether it was things that made you feel good or bad, it's still the past, and that's where it stays, with no expectations for him to be the same way again. You have accepted that you can't change him, or cure him, so then there should be no expectations to be the same guy he used to be.
I feel like I’m taking 2 steps forward and 2 steps back lately. Is that normal? For a while I’ve been feeling a lot better. Even had my moments when I said to myself, what was I ever doing with him?
But lately it seems like I’m starting to miss him again more and more. Is it because he hasn’t called me in over a month? Is it because I haven’t been keeping as busy? I dunno. But I am remembering all these good times and nice memories, the ways I felt with him when times were good. There was something very sexy about him, or he made me feel very sexy, either way there was a little fire burning between us, and he was very funny and we really could talkto each other, believe it or not. Plus the holidays are coming. Last year at this exact time we were at our super best, really enjoying each other. I was very happy to wake up in the morning.
Why can't I remember the bad stuff as easily this week? I know it was there. After all, you can only have a good conversation with someone who answers the ******* phone.
I still live with my mom while I finish grad school and I was remembering last year in March when she kicked me out of the house, for dating him basically, and I had to stay with different friends for a week, I only had 3 outfits with me so I had to do laundry, and you know what? It was kind of fun, in retrospect. Liberating. He got us a hotel room the first and last nights of my “homelessness.” He was there for me with that. My mom was and is 100% wrong in that particular argument we had about him, I know that to this day.
No one in my family called me to see where or how I was for three days. And when I did talk to them, I called them. My family (mom, grandma, brother) who supposedly loves me SOOOO much they couldn’t bear to see me throw my life away on him. Noone knew where I was sleeping at night. But he was there for me. Still...