Alexia, I don't really "get it" yet either. You're absolutely not alone in that. I envy- sometimes outright resent- those who are all filled with their serenity and with their burdens having been lifted. I don't understand that right now. But like everyone said, it is a process. Unfortunately the process requires that we go through, there's no getting around. I dunno how long the process will take for me either so I just keep checking myself and make sure all of my actions are in my best interest. Which is exactly what it sounds like you're doing as well. So give yourself credit for that, and don't burden yourself with not making the right amount of progress in the right amount of time. There's no timeline. We're all just doing our best. (HUGS)