Welcome to SR.... Im very glad you found us especially since there is little support in your town. I think it might take some digging but when your ready you will find what you need. See you already found us.
Please understand a little of the dynamics here in friends and family. You are not alone, we have ALL been there in some form or another and also to some depth or another. We all have probably said most of the words you are typing now ... Its scarry sometimes how much alike our stories can be. Also remember that our personality range from passive to agressive at times... and that also changes with our personal growth.... But one thing you will find here is there is nothing that is said here that is not based in truth and love... Many of us are here just for you, and others new to this.... To share our encouragement, strength and hope.... to give to you what has soooo freely been given to us.
With that said there are some fundumentals to help you. 1. Read the stickies at the top... some really good information there. 2. remember the 3 C's ... You did not
cause the disease, you can not
control the disease and you can not
cure the disease. 3. Finally and probably the most important.....
Take what you want and leave the rest. This one was a life savor for me because I tend to be hyper sensitive to others opinions of me.
OK.... For me what is true is this line that you said right here..... the basis of my most of my problems.
I had to learn that I couldn't single handily save the world. I know this about myself upfront, so that part is not news to me. I have always attracted people that need some sort of "care".
Yep that is me.... and that is what had to change. God gave me opportunity to correct this problem, over and over and over and over.... All my life has been a series of learning this lesson. SO ... maybe you could take a moment and look at the bigger picture. Is there a lesson you have to learn? Put the focus back on you, why are you accepting unacceptable behavior? I can understand being naive and not understanding this situation ... but this has happened twice. As far is your addict is concerned what difference does it make, he can do what he needs to and get away with it .... cuz you are not doing anything different. You are not angry and are still seeking ways to help him out and feeling sorry for him and have your complete focus on him.
I guess what Im trying to say is that I made a career out of understanding them, of understanding there addictions, educating myself about them, figuring out if I could adjust to them..... Im really good at it now...... The problem with that is ... Its not about them, he was with me because I had a problem I had not worked through and because of this problem (people pleaser, enabling, low self esteem, no confidence, low self worth) I would only attract people that needed my special sickness to continue them. What I did not do for 22 years is look at the root cause. ME.
I so look forward to getting to know you.... sounds like your on your way to a wonderful journey. The good new is as you get healthy so will the people you choose to have around you....Im SO amazed at the difference between the people I attract today compared to the people I attracted just 2 years ago.