Welcome to SR, bamagirl
Well, I'm with prodigal, I'm not sure you're going to like my answers, either. But you did ask for real life
I met my fiance about 13 months ago and we have lived together for the last 12 months.
I fell for AH fast, too. We didn't live together or get married for quite a while, but an addict is very good at zoning in on an enabler.
I would have never expected this to happen at this friend's house or I never would have put him in that postion.
No one makes a user use by putting them in a position. I'm not that powerful. None of us is. I would suspect this was not the first time he used since meeting you.
When he finally came back he has overdrawn the back account by almos $1000.
Time to separate the money. You are not even married yet, so you'd have no legal recourse when all is gone. $1000 today can turn into tens of thousands 15 years from now. Trust me, I'm living it.
Now, all this time later, he has done it again. He disappeared last weekend in the car with the debit card. By now, the debit card is our debit card since we have lived together for so long. Money is not something that was seperated. This time he overdrew the checking account by about $600.
See comment above
But he called that night and for some reason, I wasn't angry at him. I was hurt that he could let it happen after all we have going for us.
Oh boy, was that me for a long time, too. AH loved it, someone who "understod" him. Didn't get angry, was sympathetic to his problems, his terrible childhood, his "lesser" family than mine.
I am a school teacher, so needless to say, we pretty much live paycheck to paycheck.
I know many teachers who manage to do just fine on their pay (my sister is one of them - owns her own home, etc.) Talking to a credit counselor might help in setting up a budget. There are free services out there.
He pays an outrageous amount of child support each month, too.
Why is it outrageous? Think about this: if you marry this man, have children together and then get divorced, what would you think was outrageous? It's easy to take on the addict's battles with them. The court obviously thought it was a reasonable sum.
But then again, he knew what was going to happen and he never stopped one time last Saturday night to think about me or us, he only thought about getting high. I don't understand that.
It's what addicts do, get high. Nothing else comes first,
nothing.
I guess these are my questions from other family members or other addicts: At what point do you decide that someone has had all the chances they can have with this?
Only you can decide when enough is enough. Try to imagine your life the same 10, 15, years from now and ask yourself if that is acceptable. I was with AH 18 years. It only got worse. Addiction is progressive.
If you want to stay with him, I would highly recommend some help for you - Al-Anon, individual therapy, etc. It is a challenge, to say the least, to spend life with an addict, and getting all the support you can will help.
Good luck and keep posting.