bamagirl559

Hey all! I am going to try to make this short and to the point, but I tend to get longwinded so thank you in advance for reading and responding.

I met my fiance about 13 months ago and we have lived together for the last 12 months. When we met he was completly honest about having a drug addiction and told me about going to rehab, which he completed, and then to the half way house, etc. He told me that he had been clean for so long, I can't remember now how long that was. 4 months after we started living together, we went to a friend's house and all of the sudden, his drug of choice was out on the table right in front of him. I would have never expected this to happen at this friend's house or I never would have put him in that postion. The next night, we watched Intervention and again, it was aout his DOC. He never asked me to change the channel and we even talked about some things. But the next day, he disappeared for almost 24 hours in my dad's truck with my debit card. When he finally came back he has overdrawn the back account by almos $1000.

Part of me wanted to make him leave then, but I love him very much. He and I had totally different up-bringings. I thought that with the resources and I could provide and with the support he would receive from my large family that together we could beat his problem. We started going to meetings together and things got better.

Now, all this time later, he has done it again. He disappeared last weekend in the car with the debit card. By now, the debit card is our debit card since we have lived together for so long. Money is not something that was seperated. This time he overdrew the checking account by about $600. I immediatly asked him to leave when he showed back up. He called his mother, packed his stuff and left. At that time, I did not know if I would ever speak to him again. But he called that night and for some reason, I wasn't angry at him. I was hurt that he could let it happen after all we have going for us.

My family is very active in my life and I am my daddy's little girl. Although I am 30 years old he has never let me go without anything. After an ugle divorce about 5 years ago, I lived in an apartment until rent got higher than a house payment would be. I am a school teacher, so needless to say, we pretty much live paycheck to paycheck. He pays an outrageous amount of child support each month, too. In Feb of this year, my dad helped us buy the house we are living in. When things like this happen, my dad can't let me work it out. He feels the need to step in and take care of things, mostly by making up for the money part of it. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be able to drive myself to work because of lack of gas nor would I be able to eat. So I am very thankful for it and for my family, but then it makes it hard to make my own decesion. Of course, my family doesn't want me to get hurt again. They have never dealt with anything like this before and they think that if he can do it twice to me that it is going to happen like this forever. That is part of my confusion.

Here is the rest of my confusion. He tells me that his DOC is very overpowering and that once he does it, he can tell himself he'll find a way to make it better and replace the money. That once he does it, it doesn't allow him to think about the consequences. He knew that if this happened again, he would have to leave. As a school teacher in a small town where everybody know everything, I can't run the risk of ruining my career over his problem. But then again, I care about him and feel so bad turning my back on him. But then again, he knew what was going to happen and he never stopped one time last Saturday night to think about me or us, he only thought about getting high. I don't understand that. I don't understand how after all the talks we had and all the resources we had put in place together, and had used before and know they work, why he would just forget about it and make the decesion to get high.

I guess these are my questions from other family members or other addicts: At what point do you decide that someone has had all the chances they can have with this? At what point is enough really enough? How long should he stay gone from here, even though we are talking and have seen each other once in a neutral place, before I let him come back? Should I even let him come back at all? He is going to meetings now and his mom has him on a tight rope. The last thing that I want to do is enable him and make it easy for him. I want him to see the results of his actions instead of me always making it ok. But at the end of the day, I still love him and I still want him in my life because the man I fell in love with is as sweet and kind as any man I will ever met. He has made me so happy this last year. If I do let him come back, I am running the risk of making my family very disappointed in me. I can't help but wonder if this is all worth it and does it ever get better.

Thank you for reading this long post. Thank you in advance for your replies. I want real life advice, no matter how it might sound.