I am not abiding by the rules of aa.
Welcome to SR, sewyellow. First of all...there are no "rules of aa"...just a lot of helpful suggestions...and, if you hang around long enough, they'll actually make sense after awhile. The very first one I heard was, "Don't drink and make meetings." If you only concentrate on that one for a while, you'll see how easily those days will add up.
Hang in there.